


i wish you would

by moosecrofts



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 15:23:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9613673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moosecrofts/pseuds/moosecrofts





	

I have leather gloves and a crescent moon smile. You laugh when I tell you you're not using the dessert fork. “The old Black blood.” you joke.

I feel like I'm drowning when you look at me. I never knew love would hurt this much. You tell me that Marlene Mckinnon has a cute smile. I didn’t think I'd want to die more then when my own mother told me she didn’t love me. You prove me wrong wrong wrong. 

I take a surgical knife to my insides and I present them to you and you smile sheepishly and say you don't really want my lungs right now. I've stopped breathing, but that's fine.

You ask me quietly why I'm ignoring you but I watched you kiss Edgar Bones underneath the moving staircase. If I don't see you it's easier to pretend it doesn't matter. I've pulled out my stomach, take it, I can't eat. But you don't want to. I tell you forcefully that you're imagining things, lighten up Moony.

James keeps trying to figure out what's wrong but I just keep laughing too loudly. I can't hear him if I laugh. I'm drowning. 

You leave us at Hogsmeade so you can kiss snowflakes off his nose. When I smash my glass down at Three Broomsticks, watching the glass cascade unto the floor, and flirt my way into real beer, James figures it out. 

Take my liver, dear. I want to ruin it. 

You come to me later that night and you're crying. We walk down to the common room and you tell me he doesn't love you. So I pull my head open like a soda bottle and pour out my brains and give them to you. This is the first one you take, and you take it graciously. You thank me for the company, for the comfort. I'm running out of things to give. I'm still not breathing but you don't notice. You kiss him the next day, smiling so big I think you'll break me. I want to love you without needing you. I'm drowning.

You keep kissing him for months and there's nothing you need for me to give. I don't. I can't. 

So I count the things I have left one night, when I hear you get up from bed. You're going to meet him. He's going to put his hands on you, make you happy. Oh my God. Does he treat you like a thing to be worshiped? Does he think of nothing else? 

Weight is added to the foot of my bed and I don't dare breathe. You tell me you know I'm awake and I sit up laughing. The way your body glows reminds me of stardust. I'm drowning.

You ask if I'm alright and I say that I am. You stay silent. I'm drowning. 

You ask, gently, if I love you. I'm drowning.

I start to laugh. I laugh and laugh and laugh until the sound will crush me. James groans in the bed next to me. 

Here is my heart, darling. I saved it for last.


End file.
